I haven't actually named the WIP that I'm sharing with you today, so for now I'm just calling it my Egypt story.
It originally began like this: "Gritty. Too hot. Too bright. These are Emelyn’s first impressions of Mordia."
It was loosely about a girl whose twin brother had been captured by the king of Mordia (a country inspired by ancient Egypt) and went there posing as the ambassador from her own country, Rhames, to rescue him, but ended up falling in love with the king of Mordia. And, just to make things complicated, while staying at the palace, she bumps into her old crush, who happens to also be looking for her brother, with whom he is in love. The girl and the king end up going on a crazy adventure to some snake/god/-infested temple ruins, and it turns out that the girl's servant is actually an assassin.
I was having trouble with the story, though, so I read a book about ancient Egypt to help me get a better feel for the actual time and place. I wrote a lot of notes in the course of reading that book, and my imagination was captured by an old Egyptian legend that I wanted to explore some more.
So here's the new first line: "The last thing I see before I die is an innocent-looking, bluish-white orb rising from my dead sister’s chest as she sprawls in a pool of her own blood."
Now the story is about a girl who gets murdered (along with her family) but retains her soul, causing her to become a ghost. It's also about a spoiled prince who is in love with a palace guard. Along the way, the guard gets killed by the same people who kill the ghost girl, and the ghost girl takes over the guard's body. It sounds really creepy like that, but I promise it's not. I'm still working out the plot and everything, but I'm really excited about it!
Which first line do you like better? Which book would you prefer to read?
Here's the link to the Pinterest board in case you're inspired to take a look.
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