Review: Pageboy, by Elliot Page

"Pageboy is a groundbreaking coming-of-age memoir from the Academy Award-nominated actor Elliot Page. A generation-defining actor and one of the most famous trans advocates of our time, Elliot will now be known as an uncommon literary talent, as he shares never-before-heard details and intimate interrogations on gender, love, mental health, relationships, and Hollywood." (Goodreads)

I first saw Elliot Page in Episode One of Season One of The Umbrella Academy. I never watched any more of that show, but I was struck by the deep sadness I saw in this actor's face and could not forget it, wondering about its cause. In the years since then, I'd occasionally look them up and see updates or learn about past snippets from their life: when they came out as gay, when they got married, and finally when they came out as trans. A couple years ago, my husband and I watched Inception and I got to see a younger version of Page in a more feminine role, but I still saw that sadness in their eyes. So, when I saw that they had a memoir out, I determined to read it. (I can't resist a memoir.)

Before I go on and talk about the book itself, I have to put a caveat out there: I am a Christian, and so my opinions on a lot of the topics covered in this book are probably pretty unpopular. I will not be focusing on those topics, except to say that reading Pageboy as someone who has struggled with body dysphoria and disordered eating, it was powerful to learn about the depth of Page's struggle with gender dysphoria. I could relate to looking at certain parts of one's body and just ... hating them. I am not one of those Christians who insists that gender dysphoria "isn't real". It most certainly is. But, being a Christian, I would contend that body/gender dysphoria are results of the fall recounted in Genesis 3 in the Bible. I think, if transitioning is what you really need to do as an adult to keep from killing yourself, then that is your decision. What I really have a problem with is when transition is forced on young people, especially those who haven't gone through puberty yet. Even just administering puberty blockers is a huge detriment to health, despite what the "experts" may say. To anyone who wants to explore this further, I highly recommend the documentary "Gender Transformation" by the Epoch Times, Nancy Pearcey's book Love Thy Body, and Ryan T. Anderson's book When Harry Became Sally.

All right, that's all I'm going to say on that topic. Hopefully I haven't said too much–or too little. 

Here are the two main things that bothered me about the book:

1. It kind of read like, "Here is every sexual encounter I have ever had. With details."
2. The first thing I noticed about Page's writing was that it is jumpy, too many commas, sentences and thoughts left half finished and returned to in the middle of chapters. And it wasn't just the sentence-level writing that jumped around, but the organization of the whole book. I'm fine with memoirs jumping around a little bit, but I want to be able to see why they're organized like that. I'm still not sure why Page chose to organize their memoir the way that they did.

My favorite chapter was "Buckets", which is all about Page's time at a Permaculture Design Course in Oregon. I feel like this quote sums me up so perfectly (and it will give you a taste of the jumpy writing I mentioned): "I thoroughly enjoyed learning, well, if it was something I had an interest in, if not, I was stubborn. ... Since I did not attend school after graduating, I devoured books, almost always nonfiction. I didn't want to stop growing and expanding, and I was terrified I would. I still strive to grow and remind myself to set my self-righteousness aside, there's always more to learn."

I'm really not sure how to rate this book. On the one hand, it was interesting. On the other hand, I couldn't read too much of it at once because of the frequent swearing and explicit sexual content. I'm glad I spent some time with this book, and I finally know why Page looks so sad all the time (hint: not only because of the gender dysphoria they've struggled with for most of their life, but also because of their emotionally abusive stepmother and their manipulative father). However, I definitely would not recommend this book to anyone I know. I read it to satisfy a personal curiosity, and that curiosity has been appeased. In the aftermath of this book, I am left with a heavy feeling, a bit of Page's sadness transmitted from the page to me. I am deeply saddened that anyone should have to suffer internally and externally as much as Page has suffered in their life.

Why do people write memoirs? Why do we read them? We write and read memoirs to share different angles on our similar and yet vastly different experience as human beings. And I would say that Pageboy accomplished that. Elliot Page, I hope you're doing okay.

Have you read this book? Are there any memoirs on your TBR? I'd love to hear from you in the comments!